*Look at the stars, look how they shine for you, look how they wish they could incinerate your sorry ass.
ARIES is the dickhead who will straddle two spaces in a busy car park because fuck you, that’s why. It doesn’t effect them and they have shit to do.
TAURUS is the dickhead who claims they are too poor to do any of the things you like but will spend at least half a G on one bag.
GEMINI is the dickhead who will put sour milk back in the fridge so they don’t have to be the one to re stock it.
CANCER is the dickhead who puts up selfies with captions about how ‘ugly’ they are in order to fish compliments from everyone.
LEO is the dickhead who won’t outwardly show enthusiasm for anything in case it kills their precarious street cred.
VIRGO is the dickhead who returns their dish to the restaurant kitchen because there are too many seeds on their sesame seed burger.
LIBRA is the dickhead who will congratulate you but only so they can mention a similar or better achievement of their own.
SCORPIO is the dickhead who puts up numerous photos to Instagram with #nofilter tags even though that’s not exactly the case.
SAGITTARIUS is the dickhead who will hang up in the middle of a call saying they lost signal when really they were just bored of listening any longer.
CAPRICORN is the dickhead who will put gum in your hair because you didn’t accept their Facebook friend request straight away.
AQUARIUS is the dickhead who will complain about not getting invited to a party they would never even actually attend.
PISCES is the dickhead who exasperates everyone by spending so long trying to decide where to go out to eat only to suggest the same place they went last week.